Monday, March 16, 2009

Sometimes words just can't explain..

I've been having some emotional ups and downs lately and i feel like it's really hard to explain why. I have moments when i'm extremely happy and i feel like nothing can go wrong at that point in time and then there are times when i feel soo lonely and disappointed on the way my life is going that i just wanna cry.. I kinda have this habbit of looking through random people's pictures on myspace and i like to imagine what it would be like to be them. Sometimes people just look soo happy and i do get jealous at times because i feel like they're living the life that i myself want to live. Alot of people talk about living life to the fullest and making the best out of it ..i have always felt the need to live life to the fullest but the position i'm in i feel like i'm trapped. Like i can't be myself and i have to say that is one of the worst feelings ever. Feeling like you have no control of your life or even yourself! I just feel really unmotivated sometimes ..i don't have the support i need even though i try to say that it doesn't matter. I don't have the kind of friends i would like to have and i feel like for me it's almost impossible to find any friends at all. Sometimes i regret not staying in touch with the friends i had when i was younger.. I had soo many good friends and i felt like i took them for granted, but when you're moving a lot and going from one school to another you really don't have time to stay in touch.

..I wanna go out more, experience life more but i don't have anyone to experience it with. My life is dull and boring and no matter how hard i try to make it exciting i fail! I try to make the most out of my temprary highs to satisfy me and that's not the way it should be. I hate being bored and lonely but i always am. Soo many people will have stories to tell their kids about when they were growing up and all the crazy stuff they did and i feel like i won't have anything to say to mine. I really don't know if i'm the only person to feel this way or if i should even feel this way at all but i hate it... i just wish it would go away and never come back..

Well, on a happier note i should be getting my laptop this week hopefully! I'm soo excited, and they have the color i wan! Oh my gosh i can not wait. I have been wanting it for like two months now. It's feel really good to start over with a new computer again and not have any problems at all. can't wait!!

Ps. I really want some guy friends ..idk i've never really had any guy best friends and i feel like they would be more useful to me then girls if that makes any sense at all.

..I need new friends period.

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