[Listening to: Tantrum; Stacie Orrico]
I was in a really good mood coming home form the hospital yesterday because my brother was feeling soo much better and was talking to me and everything. His homeroom teacher came to visit him (he was cute btw AND he was like the perfect guy you could ever meet ever. HA, he was lookin' at me. NO no in that oh she's a weirdo. It was in that she's pretty kinda way. whole nother story..back to what i was saying..) and Hector was really enjoying himself. He wanted to watch a movie and everything.
So yeah, then we had to leave like around 8 i think.. We're in the car and my dad starts talkin. He's like yeah if Hector was walkin' i'd buy him a brand new car. At this point i'm like wtf because he was supposed to get me a car when i go to college but then he said no that i better figure out how to get everything for college and pay for it on my own! So i ask, "what about me?" Then he just repeats what he already said, "i'll give that boy everything" and "that boy deserves everything." So i'm like, "and i don't deserve anything?" He just completely blew me off. I cried. I don't really know why but i did. I was in the backseat so he didn't know but it really upset me. I was mad at myself because i was already in the mind set that i was never gonna cry over anything else that he did to me because i know how he is and it just isn't worth it.
I see now that he care about my brother, and his two other stupid children MORE than he even cares about me.. He just doesn't care about me and it really pisses me off because no matter how good i am to him it doesn't matter.
With all that being said, when he goes to get surgery on his eyes he can go fuck himself if he thinks i'm going to help him with anything. All the shit i have had to put up with from him and i don't deserve anything!? ON TOP OF THAT, later when we were in the house he goes and gives me a handful of change and is like here don't say i never gave you anything..
BITCH WTF!? DON'T SAY YOU NEVER GAVE ME ANYTHING AND HAND ME A BUNCH OF FUCKIN' CHANGE!? LIKE I REALLY NEED YOUR BULLSHIT CHANGE! WTF! YOU CAN TAKE ALL THAT CHANGE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR CRUSTY ASS FOR ALL I CARE! HONESTLY LIKE WTF!?!? I WAS JUST SOO PISSED. LIKE IS THAT ALL I'M FUCKING WORTH TO YOU, YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!??! UGH!!
I was just soo mad. Then he wants me to cook dinner and wash his clothes and crap because my mother has been staying in the hospital and i have to take over the house. He can really just kiss my ass. I have to respect him as a father but he doesn't repect me as a daughter?! He doesn't even consider me his daughter, or better yet he probably wishes that i was never even born..
Yeah, i WAS going to title this post hurt but rethinking it all i think pissed is the right word to name it.