Okay so tomorrow is my best friends big day. I’m soo excited for her! I know that she’s going to look pretty. I’m just a little bit jealous because i know that i’m never going to have a prom.. BUT that’s okay because it’s what i chose to do. I knew that when i made the decision to be home schooled i gave up the chance to have a real graduation and participate in prom. I do have my reasons as to why i didn’t want to continue being in regular high school but i don’t really want to get into that right now.
So i watch this show called Taking the Stage and i really enjoy it. That fact these kids are so talented and use that talent to their own advantage amazes me. I feel like i have soo many talents but i never pursued them so little by little i’m letting them go to waste. I guess the main thing that i like to do and i find myself always doing is writing. Writing takes me to a whole other place where i can just daydream and see things how i want to see it. Another thing i’ve always wanted to fully put my time into is photography. I feel like with on picture, no matter what it is, you can tell a million different stories. You can take a picture of something that looks one way to you but when you look at it in the picture it looks truly amazing, like something you would have never expected.
I love to sing.. and i’ve always been into music ever since i was a child. I would always try to make up my own songs which weren’t really that good but hey i was little. I’ve always dreamed of playing the guitar and making my own music even if it was just for me but since we were struggling to make ends meet when i was growing up, i never got to take the proper lessons. I had a guitar, i just didn’t have anyone to teach me and i know that it shouldn’t be hard and that i can do it if i just believe in myself. i just sometimes look at other people and wish that it would just come to me naturally.
Some things do but other things don’t. I know that i could write my own songs and play my own music if i learned but i find that when i’m thinking about what song to write it never comes out the way i want it. When i’m listening to instrumentals of songs and i’m in a really good mood words just tend to come out and it sounds so good but when i go to write it down on paper i go completely blank and forgot what i was singing in the first place.
I feel like God has given me soo much talent but right now i don’t know how to perfect it and i don’t know what to do with it. I just want to bring out the best in me. I sometimes feel like i’m not trying my hardest and i feel like i’m a huge disappointment to myself and i don’t ever want to feel that way about myself but i think there is a lack of motivation and i don’t know how to motivate myself…
You know now that i think about it i’m amazed at how sometimes i write and it’s not that interesting and it sounds thought up but when i sit here and write about one little thing i’m thinking about, 5 million other emotions that i didn’t even know i had and thoughts that i wasn’t really thinking come to the surface. Sometimes i don’t even know why i feel a certain way but when i sit and write about it i see a deeper meaning to everything. I feel like my fingers and my mind, the part that is always day dreaming, does all the talking for me..
Well i guess i better get to bed. It’s about to be twelve twenty and i have to wake up early tomorrow cause i have a busy day ahead of me and i need my rest. Night.